Battle of the Sports Bra

Thursday, July 7, 2016

While running in this heat and humidity is an accomplishment in itself, I think the true victory is getting the sports bra off. Cheers to all the ladies.

Guys and gals, you know how incredibly sticky you are post run. The moment you finish your workout the sweat explodes out of your pores like a waterfall. You're so wet and slick you could glide perfectly across a dry slip and slide mat.

As you take the next 15 minutes to cool down and stretch, your skin begins to dry and the salty, stickiness arrives.

Bug carcasses press against your chest where they ended the lives. Your compression shorts are attached to your legs as if they were cement. Your socks are socked. Your dri fit shirt is the only thing you know will easily come off. Your heart rate returns to normal, you pick yourself up off the sidewalk where your soaked body leaves a body/ass sweat mark, and you look forward to the most glorious reward at the end of every hot summer sizzling run....a cold shower.

As you walk to the bathroom, removing your shoes, socks, shorts, top, you have one final step. THE SPORTS BRA.

Step 1: It is at that moment your worst nightmare arrives. Your sports bra is attached to you like a suction cup...With all your might you pull the left under boob/cup portion away from your body to be able to maneuver your left arm into the slot directly next to your sports bra and side boob...a slot tight on a normal sticky workout day, but this slot on a summer-y ridiculous workout day is like shoving your hand down the small portion of your car seat and center consul when you drop your cell phone by accident. IT'S AWFUL, IT SUCKS. And that is only Step 1.

Step 2: Once left arm is in slot, you use your right hand to start removing bra away from your slotted arm and body. Instead of going over your head in one easy swipe, your sports bra rolls up your arm and chest, laying there stuck as it sits across your breasts. Your right arm turns into a contortionist as you try to peel away the bra off your back to keep that section from rolling. After 3 minutes of fighting like two pigs under a blanket,  you're almost home free.

Step 3: Removal. After fighting the back, side and front boob sweat, your bra is almost there. One more good YANK and the puppies are free. At this point, you're exhausted, forget the water is even running in the shower and you look forward to spending the rest of the evening bra-less - letting the girls just "hang" because the effort of reapplying a bra post-shower when you are sticky and wet from cleaning off is EXACTLY the same amount of effort as putting it on. (Ask my mom, she tore her elbow tendon getting ready for an evening out. Had to get surgery. #TrueStory). 

On a side note: Rewind to Tuesday night. I did a brick workout where I did speed work on the track followed by a swim. Have you ever tried putting on a one piece bathing suit AFTER your run? Nearly fucking impossible. I've never had so much trouble in my LIFE -- you think a bra is hard, getting the fabric over your legs, stomach, chest AND back is horrible. I wanted to curl up into a ball in the handicap stall and cry, but I thought the girls high school water polo players in the bathroom with me would have laughed at me.

So today's conclusion... you ladies are amazing. If you have a bad run or things aren't going your way, just know after you take off your sports bra, you're a winner regardless in my book.

Until next run...
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