The night I got a 90 year old drunk

Friday, January 11, 2013

Let me first start off this post by saying this song is still a classic to me, but it also holds a special part in my heart because I use to pump it in college my senior year (if I wasn’t my roommates were to mock me) because I was dating a bartender at that time. This little shoutout goes to you, Scott - my Shmuffin. Haha

But anywho, last night I got to check an item off the bucket list – be a bartender.

Just the other night my mom asked me if I wanted to make some extra cash and I clearly couldn’t deny that offer. Her work was hosting an open house at her accounting office to meet new clients after recently buying another firm. It was a group of men and women who sure did like the free open bar and free food. Wine bottles and beer bottles were flowing throughout the night, but what also happened throughout the night was me being able to overhear people’s conversations. Here are two quick stories from this adorable, little nearly 90-year-old man name Howard who got hammered off of one Blue Moon and one Yuengling Lager (both of which he downed in two gulps. He told me he was cutting himself off because he was ‘already feeling drunk.’)

STORY NUMBER 1: So this little old guy was talking about reading the new “Kennedy book” that is out… I’m assuming he was referencing JFK. He is talking to two men saying that JFK was the best president because “he was Catholic.” He continued to say that “he was the best one in office since I’ve been alive… better than all them Jews and whoever else has been in there.” May I include here that majority of the group on Thursday evening WAS Jewish… including Howard. I don’t know why he doesn’t like his religion, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he converts after reading this book.

STORY NUMBER 2: I would say Howards conversations surprised me, but people speak the truth when they are drunk (Drunk mind speaks a sober mans thoughts – however a certain guy I hung out with recently has me not believing that much anymore.) Anyway – all of the staff dressed nicely in suits and ties for their guests. Howard was speaking to one of the younger employees saying how nice he looks in his suit and noting his tie. Then he proceeds to say as a LARGE group of men were around him, “Yeah you look real good. That guy right there, he looks like a damn slob!!! That guy right there, looks worse than that slob.” Dan and I were nearly crying as Howard was saying this allowed. Who would have guessed that Howard was a fashionista!!

Cheers to you Howard, the cutest/drunkest/hilarious old guy I was able to take advantage of.

P.S.  Not sure who was driving home – him or his wife – but both were pretty beat up. Oppsies!
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